Full Devotion

It seems funny during a period away from day to day ministry to think of myself as labouring for others. Today we are increasingly unabashed at claiming some ”me time” and it would be quite natural to assume that my present period of study leave was a prime example of that. However, that is not how I believe we should view it.

A pastor is called to give himself for others as a servant or even a slave (Mark 10:43, 44, 1 Corinthians 3:5). There is labour (1 Corinthians 3:8, 2 Corinthians 6:5, 1 Thes 2:9) and agony (Col 1:29, 4:12, 1 Tim 4:10) and ceaseless striving associated with the call to be a leader of God’s people. (Indeed it is the calling of all Christians, but especially those who lead.) So it is easy to go on a guilt trip as I settle into another period of study leave and sabbatical. What on earth am I doing?

My answer – to myself, and I offer it to you for your prayers and reflection – is that we have to think carefully about how we should serve. Indeed this is vital for us all as we fulfil our calling to “serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13). I often go back to Jesus. On many occasions he was frantically busy as he ministered to all and sundry (e.g. Mark 2:2). But he also withdrew for rest (Mark 6:31), and in particular devoted himself to prayer (in the early morning Mark 1:35, for parts of days Mark 6:46, for a whole night Mark 14:32-42, and even for forty days Mark 1:12-13). On one occasion as a young man he even disobeyed his parents in order to spend time “sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking questions” (Luke 2:46). Sometimes he turned aside from obvious needs in order to preach (Mark 1:38). On other occasions he turned aside from his main purpose to meet individual needs (Mark 10:49). Jesus clearly marched to a different drum beat. Neither the clamour of the world, nor the opinions of his disciples could deflect him from his determination to do the will of his father (John 4:34).

So let me ask you what that might mean for your life? Many people are worried that devoting their lives wholeheartedly to the Lord, will result in burn-out or collapse or misery or all three. But that is not the full picture that the bible presents. Certainly the Christian life is about daily cross-bearing (Matthew 16:24 et par), it is likely to be bring with it unique strains (2 Corinthians 4;8, 11:23-29). In some cases it might even bring an early death (Acts 12:2). But we should not see fully devoted discipleship as only the province of the martyr and the fanatic. Fully devoted disciples may be called mainly to work hard with their hands and to earn money so that they can share with those in need (Ephesians 4:28). They may be called to work at home (Titus 2:5), or to focus on raising their children, and offering hospitality (1 Timothy 5:10). In retirement or ill health they may be called mainly to prayer (Colossians 4:2). They will certainly be called to rest, to look after their health (1 Timothy 5:23), and to fulfil their duties to family, friends, employers and others in a balanced way. To be christlike is not akin to having a death wish. But it is to resist the call of the world, and sometimes even the ill-judged admonitions of people like me. Every day in every way we are called to “keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:25).

So I return to myself. Like many pastors I live with a deep sense of the inadequacy of what I do. John Stott tells in one of his books how has was once described by a man as “a parasite on the body politic,” and most pastors feel like that at least some of the time. As I near the end of my fifth decade on the earth I am conscious that I have less stamina, and so must make more difficult choices. I also live with regrets. Judy will tell you about me leaving her bedside in the maternity hospital, only hours after she had given birth, in order to attend a church meeting. I remember sitting in another hospital at midnight finishing the sermon for the next day while the doctors decided whether Emily had meningitis. As I look back that was not a devotion to duty, it was a sinful desire to justify my existence, and a failure to trust that God could do his work without me. My family deserved and deserve my attention.

But what are the choices I must make today? For those of you who are a part of Magdalen Road Church I beg your forgiveness for the times when perhaps I have not made the best choices, but also your recognition that no man can do everything that is set before him. I am still as devoted as ever I was to serving Magdalen Road Church in every way that God calls me to. Though I am withdrawn for a short time from day to day service, I feel myself to be labouring for you. My abiding fixation and daily prayer to God is “what are you calling me to do for your people?” Each day to a greater or lesser extent I fail, and need once again to seek God’s grace, but each day I return to this central calling on my life.

My desire is to be able to echo the apostle at the end of his life, and also to equip you so that you too can join the chorus of his imitators, as we look forward to glory.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:7–8)

Please pray for me, as I am praying for you.